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Jokes



Jokes - There's not a lot funny about bicycling. So we don't have a lot of jokes and they aren't very funny. If you have one please email it to me.

Jokes (?)

A Sardar is spotted with a bicycle by a friend.
Friend: Oh, Sardarji, when did you get this nice bike?  Where did you buy it?
Sardar: Oh, you see it's an interesting story.  I was walking on the beach the
other day and a beautiful woman came running up to me.  She was pushing along a
bicycle.  She stopped in front of me, threw down the bicycle, took off all her
clothes and threw them on the ground, and then said "Take whatever you want!"

So I took the bicycle.

Friend:  You did the right thing.  Her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway!

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The cyclist rolled into the Bicycle Habitat, he needed the two tires and tubes changed on his bike. Immediately, three mechanics jumped out of the repair area. One headed for the tubes another got the tires and still a third put the bike on the repair stand. Within minutes mechanics were working on both wheels and the tires were changed.

A cyclist new to Habitat marveled at the mechanics teamwork to the manager.

The manager replied, "I have a system: No one goes to the bathroom until the repairs are

completed"

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An anthropologist realizes that the one thing he never taught the
natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief for a walk in
the forest.

He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree." The chief
looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The anthropologist is pleased with the response.

They walk a little farther and the anthropologist points to a rock and
says, "This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts,
"Rock."
The anthropologist is really getting enthusiastic about the results when
he hears a rustling in the bushes.
As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of
heavy sexual activity.

The anthropologist is really flustered and quickly says "They are riding
a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills
them.
The anthropologist goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has
spent months teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each
other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, "My bike."
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This was sponsored by the meals on wheels program
that sends cyclists to needy cannibals.

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It was the first time I've seen him walking in ten years. "Where's your bicycle, Reverend" I asked. "Don't know, I think it may have been stolen but I will get it back on Sunday" he replied. "In my sermon I will go through the ten commandments,. When I get to ‘thou shalt not steal, I've got faith God will sort it out." Sure enough the following week, he was riding his bike again. So, I asked him if the ten commandments had worked as planned. "In a way, " he said, "I got as far as thou shall not commit adultery, then I remembered where I left it."

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A man in a sports car pulls up to a stop light where a cyclist is waiting for the green light.
Man in car:" Hey, come here for a minute."
The cyclists rolls over and leans up to the car.
Man in car:" I bet you're pretty fast on that italian bike! I'll give you $100 if you can beat me to the next light."
Cyclist:" you're crazy! i haven't got a chance!"
Man in car:"$200 and I'll buy you a beer!"

With that the light turns green and the sporty driver screaches away! but, to the man's amazement the cyclist shoots past him screaming and hollering. Unable to make out what the cyclist said, the driver throws it into high gear determined to pass the italian speedster and not to lose the race. The sportster, doing at least 80mph now screams past the cyclist who is madly pedaling and flailing his arms about like a demon.

With the next light in his sight the driver is sure he'll win and keep his $200. Yet, once again the italian demonized pedal pusher whistles by shouting obsenities as if he had no sportsmanship
and stealing the race. Completely astonished at the cyclists performance and taken aback by his total rudeness the sport car driver, having lost, pulls up to the cyclist collapsed on the side of the road gasping for air and obviously hysterical.

Man in car " Congratulations! you have certainly won! But, I must know how in the hell you did it and why where you screaming the whole time?" (drum roll, please!)
Cyclist:" Jesus Christ! thank god you stopped! My suspenders were caught on your door!"

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Q. What do you call a traffic citation for not having a bell or a horn on your bike?
A NO BELL prize
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Q. What's brown and sounds like a bell?
DUNG
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Q. What happened to the cyclist's enthusiasm when ithe thunderstorm hit?
A. It began to wane
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Q. Why can't a bicycle stand up.
A. It's two tires
That one was told me by a member of the Cuban National Bicycle team when I toured Cuba by bike in 1979
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"An Interstate walks into a bar..."
It had been a quiet night at the local bar so far, but then the door was thrown open and an Interstate highway strode in. "I'm an Inter- state highway," he declared. "I stretch from coast to coast and have at least four lanes, shoulders, and a median almost my
entire length. I have the highest speed limit of any highway. I'm the best of the highways, and I'm afraid of no highway and no road."

He then strode up to the bar, ordered a beer, and began drinking it, while looking around. A short time later, a four-lane highway came in, went to the end of the bar, and ordered a beer. The Interstate looked him over and walked over to him. "I'm an
Interstate highway," he declared. "I stretch from coast to coast and have at least four lanes, shoulders, and a median almost my entire length. I have the highest speed limit of any highway. I'm the best of the highways, and I'm not afraid of you." The four-lane highway said "I agree that you're the best. I don't want any trouble with you. Let me buy you a beer", and he did. They drank their beers and discussed their engineering specifications.

After a half hour, the door opened again and a two-lane road came in, went to the other end of the bar, and ordered a beer. The Interstate looked him over and told the four-lane highway that he had to take care of the new arrival. He walked over to the two-lane road and said "I'm an Interstate highway. I stretch from coast to coast and have at least four lanes, shoulders, and a median almost my entire
length. I have the highest speed limit of any highway. I'm the best of the highways, and I'm not afraid of you." The two-lane road quivered a bit and said "You're absolutely right. You are the best of the highways. I'm just a lowly two-lane road. I don't want any trouble. Can I buy beers for you and the four-lane highway?" The Interstate motioned the four-lane highway to come over, the two-lane road bought beers for each of them, and the three of them drank their beers and discussed the merits of various paving materials.

After another half hour, the door opened again and a strip of asphalt about eight feet wide came in. The Interstate highway ducked behind the bar and hid there quivering quietly. The bartender was shocked.
After serving the asphalt strip, he walked over to where the Interstate was hiding. "I watched you stand up to the four-lane highway and the two-lane road. You said you weren't afraid of any highway or road. Why are you hiding from that little asphalt strip?"

The Interstate replied quietly, "It's true that I'm not afraid of any highway or road, but he's a cycle path."
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On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and
next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to
you?"

The kid says, "Yeah."

The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation
ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a
nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the
horse, instead of on top."
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